April 6, 2011- Today was a beautiful day for me.  The stage was set - a dear friend of mine had put into action the building of sawhorses,  sawing wood to lay quietly as it created the foundation for my "up off the ground" first garden!  Yes, my FIRST garden!  At age 58, I am embarrassed to admit it, but sadly enough, my life has been so "busy" that springtime never held a moment's breath for me to even consider a garden.  As I reflect on this day, I have to wonder how in all of these years, the planting of a garden was too time consuming in my Spring and Summers of my life.  It's interesting how the intimacy of just the planning stage reminded me of the planning stage of adopting my children.  Really, as I think about it, ....the adoption....preparing for the meeting of my two, soon to be daughters....bringing them to their new home, their ages 6 and 4 1/2.  The planning stage was complete after the many classes for the preparation of two "Special Needs" children, biological sisters, needing the attention of the seedlings I had planted this afternoon, realizing the dependence for survival depended on the commitment of my heart, for my two little seedlings, Tonya and Tracy.   

Truly, I had no thought as I was preparing the soil, staging where each plant should be placed so as to not hamper the other plants growth...giving equally to fill the needs of each seedling which had different requirements for growth, not unlike children.  Another thought which occurs - planting by seed versus seedlings sprouting...my two beautiful daughters blessed me as little girls, attending preschool and first grade...not unlike the plants today...already on their way to growing into what God had planned for them, and my welcomed duty was to make sure they had the right balance of love, guidance, nourishment of body and soul.... always under a watchful eye...for the many stages of their life which would unfold....

A prayer was said that I could fulfill the needs of my little plants today...as I said the day my daughters-to-be were introduced to me. 

Welcome to our quiet pages which will reflect our moment-to-moment feelings and thoughts, woman to woman. 

     As I begin this journey, I realize how personal it is for me, as I've never journaled in my life.  As it is, time has

always seemed as the essence of my life.  As I am approaching 59 years this June, I, for the first time in my life, have 

completed all the duties I've been honored such as "everyone else comes first," "no time for myself," "to sit quietly and 

listen to the ticking of a clock and not feel the urgency to DO SOMETHING!"  To not feel I had to live up to everyone else's

expectations of me.....I am now looking into the mirror and seeing the years which have passed, I have vowed to begin 

my journey with a refreshed radiance, a pursuit of smile lines, to not be caught up in the worry frenzy of an economy 

which has beseiged us..... 

     After marriage of 22 years and two daughters, now grown, having been maritally separated the past four and one-half 

years, having to return to full-time employment at age 55.....my life has some to a halt.  Just like that!  As I suffered a neck 

injury walking down stairs, on-the-job,  I sustained a cord compression of C6-7.  Well, not only did I survive the past four and one-

half years of  'being on my own,' working full-time for the State of California, enduring work furloughs (yeah....I know...I am lucky to

just have a job), as I thought things had finally come together for me - I succumbed to spinal surgery 1-26-2011 on three levels of my

neck.  Now, the kicker:  Wait til ya hear this one:  My Workman's Comp paid 100% of all the physical therapy, acupunture, MRI scans,

major spinal surgery and temporary disability at 3/4 of my normal income.....for 6 mos to one year; however, THEY WOULD NOT PAY for

someone to come in and look in on me, fix a meal, or even drive me as I am in a hard collar and will be til next neurosurgeon's visit 4-25-2011. 

     Well, all of the friends I've made the past years during my separation have busy lives themselves, and as I have no living relatives

except for my daughters (out of state), reluctantly I offered to pay what I could to my separated-husband who is retired, to help me

during my recovery.  AND, he's been here all the way for me. 

     God has always been at the helm of my life, but I have truly recognized being so blessed so deeply.  I really did not know what I was going to do.

As I have begun this path, in looking back over the events in my life, always questioning WHY this or that, WHAT is it I should do.....you know, those times

when answers do not appear....I realize they are in the making and I am not the one making the answers. 

To sit quietly and have patience, to be grateful for each event that comes into my life, and not needing to know this very moment where I will be led. 

My lesson for today.

     I wish to thank you for letting me self-indulge, and I now realize that journaling and letter writing leads me to a higher plane...I thank you for being part. 

God Bless You. 

Lisa.